#32 The Warmest of Welcomes

#32 The Warmest of Welcomes

Original Text: (From Chuck)

The powers of a bard are telling tales and singing. Which means that pretty much anyone is a fully qualified bard once they get a few beers into them.

Imagine Indiana Jones, Jackie Chan, and Conan the Barbarian teamed up to fight evil. They would surely leave no ass un-kicked. Now imagine if they let Ricky Martin join the party and started giving him an equal cut of the loot and XP. You’d have no respect for them. They might as well put an dresses and be his back-up dancers, because nobody is going to think of them as brave warriors and adventurers. Everyone will think of them as the three guys that hang around Ricky Martin and keep him from getting beat up.

Take a good look at your character sheet and ask yourself if that’s what you wanted when you rolled him up.

Shamus Says:

I think I originally wrote this as Marcus’’s character actually died in the fireball, and they walked another fifty feet and encountered he next one. That joke was something like five or six panels that didn’t really have enough funny to support two strips. So, we trimmed it down and made it work in the established format by having the fireball retconned away instead of killing the new character.

Shawn Says:

I know eventually we were planning on having one of Marcus’s characters last exactly one comic.  I don’t remember if it was this character.  Man, how is that for some insightful insight?

Also, check out that rocking Fireball.

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Discussion (15)¬

  1. Wil K. says:

    Fighter: “I can kill a guy in one turn.”
    Cleric: “I can kill a guy in half a turn.”
    Wizard: “I can kill a guy before my turn.”
    Bard: “I can get three idiots to kill guys for me.”


  2. Mrsnugglesworth says:

    In one of my latest D&D campaigns, I created a Satyr Bard. I argued almost endlessly on this topic with my friends, and finally made him…

    To find he was totally useless, and died in the first fight.

    I have since rerolled an Elf Barbarian!

  3. Marianne says:

    “You were acting like a random encounter!”

    Something about that line just makes this strip work for me. I don’t know how to explain it, but I love it.

    And whoa, Lucretia and the fingernails of DOOM…

  4. In the movie “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising” (http://deadgentlemen.com/video/2009/10/20/the-gamers-dorkness-rising-%E2%80%93%E2%80%93-part-01) there’s a scene in which the bard of the party keeps dying over and over and over again. In a moment of pure genius, the party piles up all the bodies of the dead bards and uses it as cover.

    I laughed so hard the first time I saw it that I nearly fell out of my chair.


  5. Ugh, that URL in the previous post got munched. Try this:


  6. krellen says:

    “Hide behind the pile of DEAD BARDS” was indeed a great line in that film.

    Almost as good as “The four elements, like man alone, are weak. But together they form the strong fifth element: Boron.”

  7. didub says:

    I think this was the most memorable CB comic of all of them. I’ve told this joke to pretty much anybody I encounter who plays D&D.

  8. megabyte says:

    another great set of quotes from Dorkness rising

    “You can’t backstab a book! It doesn’t even have an anatomy!”
    “It has a spine!”
    player rolls 1
    player’s character backstabs himself.

    Also, If i rember correctly, Jade is eventually ‘killed by fire’, so to speak.

  9. Avilan says:

    I have never understood the resentment against D&D bards (unlike bards in other systems), although I too would prefer a character joining the party to be one of the base four (caster – bufferer – rogue – fighter). But it works, if you know how to play them. Marcus obviously don’t.

  10. Master Jedi says:

    Was the moon supposed to look like it had a face? it kind of reminds me of the moon in majora’s mask.

    The fireball is awesome though.

  11. Merle says:

    That’s not quite fair…a bard CAN be great, they just normally aren’t.

    Ever seen the Librarian movies? He would be a Bard, no doubt about it – albeit the poetry-spouting kind, not the singing kind.

  12. Mike says:

    This strip takes on new irony given that Ricky Martin just came out of the closet, and in the previous strip we were questioning the bard player’s sexuality.

  13. fbrb says:

    The moon has a Jack Skellington look to it. Nice, subtle touch.

  14. CharmingPyrate says:

    Man, all the bard hate frustrates me. Bard is my favorite class, because I love the ability to be a showboating character with general aptitude. I play a party’s face well.

    And once I discovered OOtS’s Dashing Hero Prestige class? Well, let’s just say I became the coolest character in the party by far.

  15. Jenny Creed says:

    It’s a common misconception that anyone can be a bard once you’re a little drunk. Some reputable bards even think that their job is done once they’ve burped up a couple of old couplets in between horns of mead. A real bard will be able to make up an original song or two just to prove he’s worthy of a drink, and maybe improvise a poem to thank their host for the drink before even starting to raise the roof with some popular songs that only get louder and better the drunker he gets. It’s a fine art of balancing alcohol input and creative output and a hard class to master, but one that can raise the spirits of any party or start a party where there’s none.

    They’re crap for fighting though.